In All Things Give Thanks ...

It has been an emotional week for me.  Thanksgiving was kind of quiet, didn’t hear from either one of my children or my aunt.  My niece and sister-in-law did come from Maryland, so that was nice.  I’m not going to reach out to anyone, because I’m always the one reaching out.  I’m tired, my body is tired; I don’t feel well (but I have to suck it up and act like I feel well); my pain is not as bad as it was but it’s still there reminding that I’m not healing the way I was supposed to heal and then add in my hubby’s issues … I’m just done.  Began binge eating and was two (2) pounds heavier at my WW weigh-in.  This added to my mixed up emotions and I downed a bag of white cheddar popcorn.  I tracked it in my logs though and tracked anything else I let pass my lips.  By Saturday evening I was in between tears and not wanting to be bothered.  I felt a little better after my niece and SIL left.  We laughed and chatted for a few hours and even in those conversations I was constantly reminded of how ‘effed up’ my family is.  That led to more tears once I retreated to my secret place. 
Just wasn’t good company and made sure I didn’t take it out on hubby.  Because he wasn’t feeling up to anything I spent most of the day making sure he was okay (insert more secret tears here).  I know he’s going through a lot and I know he hates not being able to even do the little things he's used to doing.  He tries real hard to be a trooper and power through.  Didn’t help that Sunday was kind of dreary. (sigh) 
Some of my biggest obstacles this past week continue to be at home … and getting enough activity is still a challenge.   I will continue trying to increase my activity and move closer to my goal weight.  I really don’t feel better pain-wise, but I’ll continue on this journey and hope for the best.  

Every day is a new day. Never give up. 

Winding Down ...

Got all of my Saturday chores out of the way, but I was a little bummed all day after one of my sweet elephants sustained an injury ... hubby somehow managed to bump into it with his walker and knocked off one of the tusks.  Yeah, yeah ... I know ... it's only an object (a plant stand), but I love my elephants and he always seems to damage one (sigh). 

I took that as my cue to get away for a minute, so I showered, got dressed and headed out to do the shopping ... ALONE.  I took my sweet time, chatted with a few folks I didn't know, wandered down a few aisles I wouldn't normally get to see (picked up some delicious apple cider candles) and gazed at a lot of things I would love to see in the kitchen, bathrooms and bedrooms.  I wasn't even pissed with the woman ahead of me in the check-out line ... with TWO SHOPPING CARTS FULL OF GROCERIES.  She had quite the wine selection in her cart, almost made me want to follow her home.  We chatted about the nerve of people leaving cartons full of broken eggs in the dairy section and trying to find a good deal on holiday fixings.  She was quite pleasant and I enjoyed the chat.

It must have been the day for chatting, cause when I headed over to the gas station several people wanted to talk and then a gentleman smiled at me, you know, that kind of smile that says 'I know you'.  Well it turns out he remembered me from my radio days and said he used to listen to me all the time (I miss interacting with listeners).  We talked about our families, current happenings, radio and Mitch Malone (insert the sound of my heart breaking).  As I felt myself getting teary-eyed I ended the conversation, wished him a good day and waved goodbye.  Yes it was abrupt and he knew he'd hit a sensitive spot.

By the time I turned on some soothing music in the car I realized I wasn't so mad at my hubby anymore and I could head on home.  I called him to let him know I was going to make a Taco Bell run and then I'd be coming in ... Taco Bell ... mmmmmmmmm ... something about Taco Bell makes everything all better.  

As for my weigh-in, well ... I did it at home today and there was no change.  Next Saturday will be the test, that AFTER-THANKSGIVING WEIGH-IN.  

I Smile ...

As a part of my healthier journey I'm challenging myself to be more transparent.  Thank you Connie McGowan and the Precise Events crew!  I love this photo, because it expresses how I feel on the inside ... even on my worst days. 

Beauty starts from within; Love Yourself.

Living My New Normal-11.14.15 Week Two: Back On Track

11.07.15 Living My New Normal-Part II

11.05.15 - Sodium is no Joke

For the last two years my PCP has said 'watch your sodium intake'; I've even met people allergic to sodium (their words).  Well, of course you already know, when you think you're shopping healthy the stuff you're buying is loaded with SODIUM!! Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don't.

My chosen breakfast food this morning was a Morningstar Southwest Sunrise sandwich thingy and the sodium content in one of those little buggers is 660mg (mouth dropping to the floor).  That's a "meal" I had to savor, cause the average daily intake is 3400 milligrams and MY daily intake is 2300.

 

11.02.15 Make it Like it was ...

So it's Monday again :o(  
All I want at this point in my life is to enjoy my life.  

Choosing to live a healthier life becomes a real chore when all you really want to do is eat ice cream, cheesecake and Philly Cheese Steaks (not necessarily in that order).  I told hubby last week we would begin writing out meal plans this week and so far ... I have NOT written a plan for one-freaking-day.  There's a scripture that mentions 'even when I would do good/right' (Romans 7:21 So I find that, as a rule, when I want to do what is good, evil is right there with me.) and that's kind of how I feel right now.  I so wanted this to be more ... natural ... not forced ... not feeling like I'm on a diet.  I cannot seem to get my mind focused on discipline.  Now I'm just trying to be more creative and hoping hubby will join me in the change.  I have got to find that trigger <sigh>.